woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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