It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
