you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
