We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
