The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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