I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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