hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
