she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
