I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
