I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
