He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
