My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
