Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
