i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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