been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
