for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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