The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
