i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
