the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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