he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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