I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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