she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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