Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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