i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
