I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
