I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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