that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
