how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
