Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
