Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
