You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize