I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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