3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
