Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
