im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
