Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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