okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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