My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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