shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
