I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
