rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
