Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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