and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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