Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize