I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
