i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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