i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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