I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.