I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."