his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one