Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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