Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you win again, gameday.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
