i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
