Say something about gay babies.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
