who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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