Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize