so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
