if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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