Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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