Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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