Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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